Saturday, January 10, 2009

Suck It, Bitches! Bibles Are For Goobs.



So I went out last night.

(Applause)

Thank you. Yeah, it was fun. Christy, Jenny and I went to this restaurant/bar on the Eastside called "Good Knight," or maybe it's "The Good Knight"? That'd make more sense. Anyway, the skinny on this place is that you walk in and feel like you have been transported to 1884. It's dark and woody with old framed pictures and patterned drapes everywhere. They do a classic cocktails menu, which I was excited about since my favorite drink is the Old Fashioned (it was okay, not as good as mine but they never are). Then they have a small dinner menu with tasty food that's ridiculously overpriced. I had the chicken pot pie which was really just soup with a puff pastry on top. Aside from the overpriced food, the only other really silly thing about the place was the jukebox. They tried to keep with the old-timey theme, but that really isn't possible where music is concerned. I heard some Frank Sinatra, which made it feel like I had transported via my home made time travel machine and because of some glitch ended up stuck in some sort of parallel universe where the 1950s and the 1880s coincided. The highlight of the night was when Jenny let Christy and I know that from her seat she could see some guy at the bar's crack staring her right in the face and then he heard her, turned and gave a her the stink eye, and pulled up his pants--or, breetches I should say.
From there we went to a bar (still on the Eastside) called the Longbranch. I saw they had a sticker on one of their tip jars that said "Don't Dallas up my Austin," but judging by the crowd on the patio that command was ineffective. The service was mediocre. The jukebox sub-par. But we were good and buzzed at that point, so I didn't really give a shit. One positive, the graffiti in the ladies room, where I got the above pic (Suck it bitches), and the one below (Bibles are 4 goobs):



Also, apparently, Kelis is in San Diego now--dying by the sword. So much for her milkshake. (badump, bump)

Monday, January 5, 2009

Happy New Year!



OK, it's already the fifth, I know. It's been too long. I've abandoned my sad little blog. I just want it to be so entertaining for you and I have had no exciting news to report.

I had this idea awhile back about reporting on local politics (Regime Change Begins at Home!). You know how every election there's a bunch of local shit on the ballot? Prop such and such that you've never heard of. Here in Austin there was tons of confusion over Prop. 2. The wording was a little weird, and turns out a bunch of people who were against it voted for it. I thought, I'll spend my time following the local scene--this is a Capitol city after all--and then report back to you: The People. Yeah, well, turns out I don't wanna expend all that energy and furthermore--surprise, surprise--there are already bloggers out there reporting on the local political scene.

Now what? Local live music scene? Nah. I don't think so. Celebrity gossip? Yeah, 'cos that's not been done before...I guess I'll stick to what I know and pass on the dull and shitty details of my daily life. Who wouldn't be interested in that? (Answer: Me)

Well, I still have a really shitty job as a contract employee for Apple. I still hate the slut I work with. Her contract is up in a matter of weeks, though. So that's good. My contract is up in June, so I now have six months to come up with a new plan. I've got some ideas. Stuff in the oven, you know... In the meantime, it's cube life for me. Ugh. It's nearly unbearable. I don't know how much longer I can stand it. I ended up working last week on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day and the office was completely empty. Which was nice b/c a) I didn't have to deal w/ my slutty co-worker and b)I didn't have to fight for the printer. I cannot believe how irritated my co-workers get b/c they have to wait a couple of minutes for my documents to print up before theirs do. You've got all day, I wanna scream. You want me to use another printer? Complain to management. I'm not going to buy my own, for fuck's sake.

On the other hand, working all alone sucked b/c it's like "Why am I the only one here?" And I realize it's because I'm poor and I don't get any vacation or holiday pay so if I'm not there, I don't get paid. I cut out early on those days, though. (Shhhhh.)

The only other thing I have to relay is that if you are reading this and you haven't seen "The Wire," and/or Ed Burns (not that Ed Burns) and David Simon's other HBO project "Generation Kill," then you need to click on over to Netflix and add those gems to your cue toot sweet!





I've been recommending these shows (well, mainly "The Wire") to anyone w/in an earshot of me since I saw them. They are like nothing else on television...EVER.

Well, it's been really swell catching up with you. Guess I'll go do laundry now. Snuggle my cats, maybe. Read a little. Very exciting stuff to attend to!
See you next time.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

The Fuck?

How irritating is Jenny Lewis? She's pretty, she sings good, and she writes great songs.

Alright, now, I may not have mentioned this before but I really really really love Elvis Costello. Not in a "OMG! I'm his number one fan!" kind of way. But in a "He's the best. I love everything he does and he's hot" kinda way. The other night, I even had a sweet dream about him (call me!!).

Anywhore, I don't know where I heard it but apparently my main man EC is a big fan of this tweeting tart JL. Grrr. At first, I found this endorsement harmless. Thought it served to justify my admiration and appreciation for Rilo Kiley. Now it seems this shit's gone to her head. No more band, dudes. She's on her own. Bitch is having Diana Ross hallucinations! But it doesn't stop there. Check this out:



Hrmph! Nice jumpsuit, Lynda Carter. Oh, Hey--Sgt. Pepper called, he want's his jacket back.

Why I oughta!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

OMFG!



Needless to say, I am over the moon!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Label Whore


In an interview with NBC news anchor Brian Williams, Sarah Palin, when asked whether or not she considered herself a feminist, said she doesn't like to label herself. Hmm. Really, Hockey Mom? Is that right, Pitbull in Lipstick? You don't say, Maverick? Seriously, Miss Wasilla? Don't like labels, huh? Well, I mean, except for Chanel, Valentino, Gucci, etc.
Hey, Sarah--remember when you said this?

It’s like kind of providential yesterday what happened to me,” Palin said. “I am reading on my Starbucks mocha cup the quote of the day. You’ll never believe what the quote was! It was Madeleine Albright, former secretary of state and U.N. ambassador, and Madeleine has as her quote of the day for Starbucks — now she said it, I didn’t say it — ‘There is a place in hell reserved for women who don’t support other women.’

Actually, she said there's a place in hell for women who don't "help" other women, but whatever. Just want to make sure that I understand there's a place in hell for me if I don't "support" a woman who doesn't "support" other women?

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Christopher Buckley Says Goodbye to NR, Republican Party

Christopher Buckley's Obama endorsement hasn't gotten as much attention as Colin Powell's, but at least the Right-Wing Blowhards can't call it "race based."
Through his blog on "The Daily Beast" Christopher Buckley (son of William F. and contributor to conservative publication "The National Review") wrote of his decision to support Obama. Shortly after, he decided to leave the NR. It's a good story, check it out.

From The Daily Beast:

I seem to have picked an apt title for my Daily Beast column, or blog, or whatever it’s called: “What Fresh Hell.” My last posting (if that’s what it’s called) in which I endorsed Obama, has brought about a very heaping helping of fresh hell. In fact, I think it could accurately be called a tsunami.

The mail (as we used to call it in pre-cyber times) at the Beast has been running I’d say at about 7-to-1 in favor. This would seem to indicate that you (the Beast reader) are largely pro-Obama.

As for the mail flooding into National Review Online—that’s been running about, oh, 700-to-1 against. In fact, the only thing the Right can’t quite decide is whether I should be boiled in oil or just put up against the wall and shot. Lethal injection would be too painless.

I had gone out of my way in my Beast endorsement to say that I was not doing it in the pages of National Review, where I write the back-page column, because of the experience of my colleague, the lovely Kathleen Parker. Kathleen had written in NRO that she felt Sarah Palin was an embarrassment. (Hardly an alarmist view.) This brought 12,000 livid emails, among them a real charmer suggesting that Kathleen’s mother ought to have aborted her and tossed the fetus into a dumpster. I didn’t want to put NR in an awkward position.

Since my Obama endorsement, Kathleen and I have become BFFs and now trade incoming hate-mails. No one has yet suggested my dear old Mum should have aborted me, but it’s pretty darned angry out there in Right Wing Land. One editor at National Review—a friend of 30 years—emailed me that he thought my opinions “cretinous.” One thoughtful correspondent, who feels that I have “betrayed”—the b-word has been much used in all this—my father and the conservative movement generally, said he plans to devote the rest of his life to getting people to cancel their subscriptions to National Review. But there was one bright spot: To those who wrote me to demand, “Cancel my subscription,” I was able to quote the title of my father’s last book, a delicious compendium of his NR “Notes and Asides”: Cancel Your Own Goddam Subscription.

Within hours of my endorsement appearing in The Daily Beast it became clear that National Review had a serious problem on its hands. So the next morning, I thought the only decent thing to do would be to offer to resign my column there. This offer was accepted—rather briskly!—by Rich Lowry, NR’s editor, and its publisher, the superb and able and fine Jack Fowler. I retain the fondest feelings for the magazine that my father founded, but I will admit to a certain sadness that an act of publishing a reasoned argument for the opposition should result in acrimony and disavowal.

My father in his day endorsed a number of liberal Democrats for high office, including Allard K. Lowenstein and Joe Lieberman. One of his closest friends on earth was John Kenneth Galbraith. In 1969, Pup wrote a widely-remarked upon column saying that it was time America had a black president. (I hasten to aver here that I did not endorse Senator Obama because he is black. Surely voting for someone on that basis is as racist as not voting for him for the same reason.)

My point, simply, is that William F. Buckley held to rigorous standards, and if those were met by members of the other side rather than by his own camp, he said as much. My father was also unpredictable, which tends to keep things fresh and lively and on-their-feet. He came out for legalization of drugs once he decided that the war on drugs was largely counterproductive. Hardly a conservative position. Finally, and hardly least, he was fun. God, he was fun. He liked to mix it up.

So, I have been effectively fatwahed (is that how you spell it?) by the conservative movement, and the magazine that my father founded must now distance itself from me. But then, conservatives have always had a bit of trouble with the concept of diversity. The GOP likes to say it’s a big-tent. Looks more like a yurt to me.

While I regret this development, I am not in mourning, for I no longer have any clear idea what, exactly, the modern conservative movement stands for. Eight years of “conservative” government has brought us a doubled national debt, ruinous expansion of entitlement programs, bridges to nowhere, poster boy Jack Abramoff and an ill-premised, ill-waged war conducted by politicians of breathtaking arrogance. As a sideshow, it brought us a truly obscene attempt at federal intervention in the Terry Schiavo case.

So, to paraphrase a real conservative, Ronald Reagan: I haven’t left the Republican Party. It left me.

Thanks, anyway, for the memories, and here’s to happier days and with any luck, a bit less fresh hell.

And a link to the original endorsement (if you're interested):

Tuesday, October 14, 2008