I heard this ex-skinhead interviewed on NPR the other day about his book that's out right now, Autobiography of a Recovering Skinhead. My first thought was how it's such bullshit that assholes get to become former or recovering assholes and then write books about themselves in order for the rest of us to understand where they were coming from and forget about the fucked up shit they did and feel sorry for them. All to their financial benefit. I mean, I can't stand these drug counselor types that feel as though because they've "been through it" they're the only ones who can help people dealing with addiction now. I don't know why it bothers me so much. I believe they have worked hard to get to where they are, and that they've been through a lot of shit. I guess it's just the notion that they should be applauded for finally doing the right thing. It's like that old Chris Rock joke about single Dads: "Oh I PAY my child support! Yeah, that's what you're supposed to fucking do."
Anyway, I'm getting off on a tangent, suffice it to say I have no sympathy for this guy--not that he's asked for it.
My next thought was how much I fucking hate skinheads. As a teenager I gravitated to the whole punk/skate scene. Mostly I just had a thing for skateboarders, who weren't always super hardcore. Especially in the 80s. Just boys in torn up jeans wearing Vans with highlights in their hair. Still as harmless as that whole scene was it was connected via music and I guess just general rebelliousness and this idea of Anarchy that few 14--18 year olds even understand, to two groups that scared the shit out of my 15 year old self: hardcore punks and skinheads.
Hardcore punk rockers looked scary and intimidated the shit out of me, but I soon realized they were not a group to be afraid of. Skinheads, on the other hand, were always looking for trouble. Me and my friends would go downtown to see a show or god knows what (What the hell was I thinking at 15?) and we'd have to be on the lookout for skin-chicks. Or at least hook up with someone who was a friend to them so they'd leave us alone. Once I wasn't so lucky, and this dummy with her bangs and shaved head and lame tattoos pushed me from behind as I was walking down the street asking me "why I was talking shit?" My heart started pounding. I told her I didn't know who she was or what the fuck she was talking about. I look a lot tougher than I am. I mean, I'm the opposite of tough! But she wasn't sure so she took off.
Briefly, at 15, I dated this guy I met downtown named Charlie. He was 18 and I thought that was sofa king cool. Plus he was real hot. One night we went over to his place so he could show me his tools he used to tattoo. Turned out, he lived with a couple of skin-chicks! WTF? They just stared me down as I sat on his couch. Talk about a buzzkill!
I'll wrap up my skinheads suck rant now, but in closing I'd like to mention that despite the fact that my parents split up when I was four, and my mom turned to alcohol and in my teenage years we fought relentlessly--even physically sometimes. And despite the fact that I hung out in a scene with attachments to extremely negative elements, and despite the fact that I grew up in the South with grandparents who used the 'N' word and openly discussed their distaste for Mexicans, never for one second did I think that Nazism would be a good idea. Or that somehow, because my life at home sucked, I should align myself with people who sought to lay all the world's problems (including their own) in the laps of another: The Other. "Hey you! Check me out with my fucking combat boots, suspenders, shaved head and swastika tattoo! I'm gonna kick your ass!" "Huh? WTF? What for? WTF did I do?" "Uh, well, I'm angry because my childhood sucked and you look like somebody I could take. I mean, I fucking hate blacks and Jews but I'm not dumb enough to actually threaten one of them, so you'll do." "What? OMG. Dumbass."

Here's the link to the NPR interview that got this whole hardly coherent rant started: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125514655

I'm actually thinking of reading the book. Who knows, I might learn something from the dude.