It's All Good

I'm approaching my one month anniversary #vegetarianism #nocokes (I'm on Twitter now). And I can honestly say, it's been easier than Jeff said it would be. I broke down and had fried cheese sticks again last Sunday. While fried mozzarella is well within the guidelines of vegetarianism and no sodaism, what's the point if you're going to eat like shit? So I said to Jeff (and myself; mostly myself) "I need to cut out the fried foods!" Then Tuesday I made these kick ass flash-fried green beans but I didn't feel bad about it b/c they weren't breaded. I know that's not the point, but I find lying to myself helpful these days. Since my last blog I tried this fake meat stuff called Quorn, which is a nonsensical and misleading name for a food product made from mushrooms, or some kind of fungi.

I'm pretty sure I had this years ago when I had some vegetarian roommates. They made a fake meat Shepherd's Pie which was the first Shepherd's Pie I ever had and, consequently, my favorite. I mixed it into pasta sauce b/c I was tired and eating well is more (as I've bitched about before) than just sound food choices, it's also grocery shopping and cooking and cleaning...after work. So anyway I was tired and didn't want to do anything that would take more than 15 minutes so I made a "meat" sauce and boiled up some rigatoni. It was a hit!Then last night I made some OUTSTANDING (if I do say so myself) veggie enchiladas. I even made the tomatillo sauce (it was just tomatillos, garlic, jalapenos, cilantro and water). The enchiladas themselves were black bean, zuchinni, yellow onion, red pepper and (drum roll please) PURPLE bell pepper! Found them at Whole Foods. I got two purple bell peppers and took a pic but I'm too lazy to connect my phone to my computer so that'll come later (if ever). You can probably find a pic doing a google image search if you were desperate to see them. After all that work, Jeff doused his in store bought salsa and it made remember being a waitress and seeing Chefs get pissed when people would ask for more this or a side of this and it's just like "Will you fucking try it first?!" In other related news, I was really hoping drinking more water and cutting out on sodas and sweets would keep me from breaking out every month before my period but that hasn't happened. I went and foolishly spent $15 on tea tree oil based cleansing pads and spot treatment (again, Whole Foods). I woke up the next morning looking like I had the measles. Should've never bought that magnifying mirror.

I Don't Eat Hot Dogs

So I'm nearing the end of Day 10 and things are going pretty good. I've had two regrettable days as far as food choices go: one I had onion rings, the other fried mozzarella cheese sticks (both so good! {Pappadeaux}). I felt like shit after, though. It's funny because I didn't realize how much I would miss just fat. I especially didn't think I'd miss it more than sugar. I'm really happy about the decrease in my sugar consumption, though. I had an interesting conversation with a girl I work with about her diabetes. She said before she got her blood sugar under control her moods were unpredictable and up and down. I don't know why I hadn't heard that or thought about that before. I was on anti-depressants for nearly a year for an 'anxiety disorder" and was thinking of getting back on them once my insurance at work kicks in, but now I'm waiting to see if my anxiety and depression are just products of mood swings related to my sugar intake. I'm also excited about finally being an adult about my food choices and trying new foods. When I told Jennifer about my recent decision to become a vegenish vegetarian she was excited about it and knew of a vegan restaurant we could try. We did, and it was pretty good. Pretty, pretty good. Too bad it's got such a horrible name.

Vegeria = Vagina or Vaginaria. A few days after our lunch at Vag Central, we tried a Thai place she'd heard about that was SO.FA.KING.GOOD. Which reminds me, I had some tempura there so there was the third time I've had fried food on my vegetarian diet. Anyway, I had this spicy eggplant tofu dish that was tasty. And look how cute their menu is:

SA- WASS- DEEEE!! But BY FAR the biggest issue I'm having with this new way of eating is access to the right foods. Lots of trips to the store, and the store by me sucks. Lots of having to cook. Can't just order shit and have it delivered or go pick it up. Can't just pack up a microwave dinner. Now that I'm thinking about it, the real issue is me not having a car. Not having a car sucks! That commercial really nailed it. In July we had a "Hot Dog Potluck" at my work. I sent out a flyer to the entire staff (approx 130 ppl) letting them know about it. Fidelia replied all: I don't eat hot dogs. No shit, Fidelia? Me either.

High Five

I'm just two days away from a full week of no cokes, meat, eggs; and just a touch of cheese and cream. Oh--and no processed foods. Hold on...I'm having to rethink this. I bought some scones that come in one of those biscuit type cylindrical cans that pop open when you twist them. They weren't pillsbury or anything; they were organic and all natural. Still, I'm sure I consumed some egg and I'm not sure that wasn't processed food. In fact, I'm not really sure what "processed" means. But I ordered the companion book to the movie Forks Over Knives, and that's supposed to tell me. It's like how some religious people believe if you're unaware that what you're doing is a sin while you're doing it, you're not really sinning. See how convenient rationalization is?? Today for lunch I had a frozen Amy's Mexican Casserole. It was organic, which made me feel good about it. And it contained tofu, which I usually don't like but was fine with here. Maybe because I just wanted something other than a vegetable so bad. I also had some chips and salsa. There's a small and shitty cafeteria on the first floor of my building and I was really wanting a drink other than water so I went down to see if they had something without high fructose corn syrup and, as I suspected, they had some some Sweetleaf Tea. I bought some; it sucked. I used to drink a ton of that stuff. Maybe I got a bottle from a bad batch or something.

I don't have a car so depend on rides from whoever but mainly Jeff on his scooter. He never wants to take me anywhere. I got home from work and we chatted about cars (he went and looked at used Pathfinder for me--it was a piece of shit. That's what happens on a budget of $5k). Then it was like 7:00 and I was like "Take me to the store!!" I was thinking about sweet potatoes so I bought some. I also got some onion, cauliflower and asparagus. I tossed 'em all in some grapeseed oil (the only kind I have b/c my friend who's a chef said it goes with everything) and I thought I had some oregano but I didn't so I used this Tony's all-spice stuff. Put that shit in the oven (the sweet potatoes for 30 minutes, then the rest of the shit of another 20) and served it up. Jeff loved it. After dinner I made myself sick on chocolate covered peanuts. I'm so bloated. Oh, also I discovered that my lemonade and topo chico blend well together!

At the store while in line at the checkout I noticed one of the rags had a pic of a very young pageant girl--I suspect from that Toddlers and Tiaras or whatever show. I go "Jeff, look." And he goes "Ooh. She's hot." I'll find the pic...FOUND IT!

An Offer I Can Refuse

Today I took a big salad to work along with a separate container of corn and beans that I'd sprinkled with cumin and garlic powder and microwaved. I added the warmed up beans and corn to the salad with some salsa and didn't enjoy it nearly as much as I thought I would. I should have stuck with chickpeas or black beans--instead I went with pinto. Pintos only work when you fry them, then fry them again. As I was forcing it down I was reading my Foer book and hit the part where he starts talking about eating dogs. I got sick to my stomach. The beans made me think of what refried beans look like in a can (even though there weren't refried), and then that made me think of dog food (which is gross) and then he's talking about cooking and eating dogs. It was all so, so very wrong. I don't think in a book promoting vegetarianism you do your argument any good by asking why we don't eat dog. Just before lunch I'd gotten a call from a corporate recruiter at my job offering me the full time administrative assistant to the VP of Healthcare Operations position. This position is the one I have now, I'm just a temp. Her "offer" included a pay increase of one dollar. While many people would greet such an offer enthusiastically, I was irritated. I know the other two dummies I work with make more than that. I don't know a number, but I know a number that one of them scoffed at--and that laughable number was seventy five cents more than what was offered me. Plus I do way more work than the other two ding-dong assistants in the office. So that was that. I stumbled over my own words and didn't know how to say "WTF? AW HELL NO!" so I was like "Well, that's less than the other assistants in the office earn." Which prompted the question "How do you know that? Discussing salary is against policy." Stammer, stammer, stammer... So that happened. I was super busy at work, too, because I'm always volunteering to help other people because I hate being bored. When I got home, I was pooped and still a little wound up and Jeff hadn't eaten "ALL DAY!" and so he wanted pizza which indicates how supportive he is when I say "I need to eat better." I said fuck that, but it really sounded good. So twice today two ordinarily irresistible offers were an affront to my person. Luckily I remembered I had some spicy tomato sauce and pasta. Thank god for Plan Bs. If you're not prepared, it's nearly impossible to stick with a plant-based/non processed food diet b/c there's no such thing as good fast food, at least not around my neighborhood. There was a fast food salad place in Austin. I really miss Austin. I'm thinking if I pick a day that represents getting over the hump I can count down to it and therefore have something to look forward to. 30 days sounds about right. Today is the end of day four. Twenty six days to go before I'm a pro at this shit.

Day Three

I wish talking about my attempt at eliminating foods from animals and foods that are processed was more entertaining. I really love a good title, and I just couldn't think of one. In any event, here's how my day went: I had coffee with no cream today. It was iced; don't think I could do it hot. I didn't finish it, either. But I discovered it's doable, so that's exciting. Tonight at the grocery store I bought hazelnut flavored soy creamer...maybe the end result of that will be equally exciting. Aside from a pat of butter on my bread at dinner, it was a vegan day. So I'm sticking with the vegetarian plus the occasional unavoidable bit of dairy plan. During lunch (spicy vegetable soup) I was able to get in a few more pages of Eating Animals. Foer, or Safron Foer (whatever), spends a considerable amount of time in the first part of the book conveying that his idea with the book was to impart a story about food, and not for it to be a scholarly type work promoting vegetarianism. I can't imagine it not having that effect, though. I mean, that's why I downloaded the fucking thing. Nevertheless, I am enjoying it. He does a good job spelling out the emotional attachment we have to different foods. This is what's always frustrated me about people who think losing weight simply involves a little willpower. What we eat, why we eat, how much we eat, etc--these are all things influenced by our upbringing. Foer does a good job illustrating how much his grandmother's cooking and her attitude toward food affected him. It made me think of one of the first things Jeff said when I told him we should quit eating meat: "Think about Thanksgiving." I'd rather not, right now. Right now it's important for me to think of all the ways I want to improve my health and how changing my diet will help me do that. I've already noticed that I'm not completely sluggish and irritable around 3pm everyday. Now I just need: perfect skin, more energy, a better memory, a smaller waist, to get rid of the dark circles under my eyes, and to improve my mood. Among other things. Sorry this post wasn't funny--that's what the pic is for.

From Vegan to Vegetarian in 12 Hours

This morning it occurred to me that breakfast as a vegan was going to be super challenging. Like I said, I'm not a big cook. At 7am, I'm even less of one. I saw a lot of recipes online for vegan pancakes--but I've never even successfully made non-vegan, regular old, out of a box pancakes. Besides that, there's only one thing I want to do before I go to work in the morning: sleep. Right before I get to work I like to stop and get coffee...with cream...and a pastry. Having this conversation with my boyfriend, he suggested that rather than go "hardcore" vegan, I just refrain from going out of my way to eat animal based foods. I agreed. Then we went to La Madeline and I had a potato galette and coffee with the tiniest bit of cream. I told myself it would be OK because eventually I would have my coffee at home with almond or soy milk--or even go black (you know what they say...) Today at lunch was fine. I packed a salad and I like salads so it wasn't a big deal. I added avocado to try and make it more special and filling. At lunch I sat alone with my Nook, wanting to get into a book I just downloaded: Jonathon Safron Foer's Eating Animals. Think it'll be some good reinforcement. We'll see. I wasn't able to read because a Swiss girl I work with sat down with me, then eventually two other co-workers. We ended up talking about football and I said, despite everything he did, I'm rooting for Michael Vick (he paid he's fucking dues! Give him a break. He was into something that was culturally acceptable where he grew up) and the Swiss girl (who knew nothing about football) said "Oh, I HATE him! I cannot stand people who abuse animals!" while she ate a ham sandwich. Before I left work I started googling vegan recipes and printed up a couple "hearty stews" ones. When I got home I had Jeff pick and he said "Whatever." Then he took me up to the shitty grocery store near here where I was shocked to find some organic vegetable stock (their entire produce dept has not one organic fruit or vegetable...not one!). I made a spicy vegetable soup with hot rotel and cumin and cayenne and chili powder (and potatoes and carrots and celery...the usual). It was pretty good. Jeff liked it, which says a lot b/c despite the fact that he's never cooked EVER and when I do he's always telling me that the meal needed a "little more" of this or a "little less" of that. Anyway, one good thing I've noticed is that shopping for vegan/vegetarian (I had some butter w/ my bread) meals is easy (you just stay in one dept) and cheap (My most expensive item was a $5 bottle of wine that was on sale), so that's cool. I'd take a picture of my stew and post it but: I'm too lazy; and vegetable soup looks like vegetable soup. Something else I've found that helps keep up this diet is looking disgustingly at others who don't eat well and telling myself I'm better than them. Just as an FYI.


 Links!
http://www.amazon.com/Eating-Animals-Jonathan-Safran-Foer/dp/0316069884/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1315882516&sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.com/Forks-Over-Knives-Plant-Based-Health/dp/1615190457/ref=sr_1_2?
ie=UTF8&qid=1315883500&sr=8-2
http://www.gq.com/sports/profiles/201109/michael-vick-gq-september-2011-interview

So it's been, just to guesstimate, 224 days since I've updated my blog. I don't even come here--I hate staring my own failure in the face. Still, my apologies to you, reader, I'm not giving it up completely. About a week before I turned 40 I was watching some really lame TV (I don't have cable) and heard this expression I'd (somehow) never heard before: "You leave your 40s the same way you enter them." I'm sure this means absolutely nothing, but as I neared and reached 40 I began worrying about my health and thought "Fuck, if I keep going at this rate I'll be 300 lbs at 50!" So I've decided it's time I at least make an effort to eat healthy and exercise. And when I say "it's TIME", I mean "time's approaching." I'd heard an interview a month or so ago with this doctor in his late 70s who was still working and doing his best to promote a plant-based/animal free (vegan), no processed foods diet. I never gave this viewpoint much credence. I was convinced that all one needed to live a long and healthy life was to enjoy "moderation in all things." So all I had to do was quit being excessive. So simple a step that I'd never done it. EVER. Anyway, this morning I was browsing through my Netflix instant watch options and saw the documentary that doctor has participated in/was promoting. I watched it. I became convinced. As of this moment, as of today--I'm a vegan. I never cook because I suck at it (probably because I never do it), so I know this is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done, ok, TRIED to do. And I've been online looking for cookbooks and blogs and testimonials, etc and while I'm sure it's out there I have yet to find a blog about how to change your mindset and how to get over the mental effects of giving up every bad food habit that you've had and loved forever. So I decided that I could just write about it my damn self. Today I'm excited about it. I've struggled with depression and anxiety and fatigue and I tend to believe that you are what you eat so I can't wait to see if my mood improves as well. Anyway, I'm giving it the college try but I may fail and if I do you'll be the first to know. Wish me luck! Check out what I checked out today! (the film that started it all)

194 Days and Counting

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Fall

First day of Spring Semester starts tomorrow. I'm enrolled but only because I have yet to receive a letter from St. Mary's notifying me that because my GPA is below a 2.0 I have been "academically excluded" (guess this means I can still show up and do other stuff).

The reason that letter is pending is because my grades from last semester are still pending.

Yes, friends, this semester will begin before the grades from last semester are out.

I am waiting for two more grades. One of the grades--Constitutional Law--has been posted. It's not good. It's rhymes with B but it's not a B. It's two letter grades down from that.

I am also waiting for my financial aid to come through. I don't work, and so my student loan money is my only money. I need it to live and stuff.

Since it's likely that I won't be officially excluded academically until my loans are processed, I have no idea whether or not I'll be able to actually spend that money. I don't know whether I should buy books, or show up to class, or do homework...

I don't know anything about anything, and it fucking sucks.

Still, I've got my pride. And my blue steel 45. I'm just waiting for the other shoe to fall.

Meet the New Year, Same as the Old Year

I CANNOT believe I have not updated this blog since APRIL 2010. Can't say the title didn't warn you.

Today is the first day of the new year and, as always, I have resolved, resoluted, resolutioned, whatever to pursue a healthy lifestyle. I have been on hot pursuit of said lifestyle for nearly a decade now. Maybe this will be the year I finally reach it. There is one significant difference between 2011 and all prior years I have resolved to lose weight and quit eating like an eighth grader whose parents are going through a divorce--this year I turn 40.

Holy shit. Oh Em Gee. WTF. 40. Seems like just yesterday I was 39.

Anycrowsfeet, the year I turn 40 will be chronicled right here, on my very own lame blog. Like any good self-indulgent asshole who thinks too highly of themselves, I want to preserve and memorialize the experience so I can look back on how witty and under-appreciated I am. I had a similar idea regarding my first year of law school but as it looks as though I'm about to flunk out, it ended up being a good thing I flaked out on that plan. The only way to fail at turning 40 is to die, and if I'm dead I won't kick myself for abandoning my blog b/c, well, I'll be dead.

In the meantime, continue to peruse the internet at your leisure b/c before long this vast and open road cleverly referred to as the internet hwy will shut down. The exits that provide us with vital and constitutionally guaranteed information about the inner-workings of our government, along with those loops that allow us to see what's going on in the rest of the world without leaving our own zip code, will be closed altogether. While the rest of the exits that lead to the useless bullshit We The People salivate over learning (and then immediately unlearning) will be accessible for a premium.

Christ, maybe Prince was right. Remember when MTV played videos? Way back when being 16 and pregnant was something you didn't aspire to?

So let's ring in this New Year right and raise a glass to Uncle Sam: For he's the jolly good fellow, for he's the jolly good fellow, for he's the jolly good FELLLLLOOOOWW...which nobody can deny.

Which nobody can deny
Which nobody can deny

Elvis Has Left the Building

I hope, anyway.

I heard this ex-skinhead interviewed on NPR the other day about his book that's out right now, Autobiography of a Recovering Skinhead. My first thought was how it's such bullshit that assholes get to become former or recovering assholes and then write books about themselves in order for the rest of us to understand where they were coming from and forget about the fucked up shit they did and feel sorry for them. All to their financial benefit. I mean, I can't stand these drug counselor types that feel as though because they've "been through it" they're the only ones who can help people dealing with addiction now. I don't know why it bothers me so much. I believe they have worked hard to get to where they are, and that they've been through a lot of shit. I guess it's just the notion that they should be applauded for finally doing the right thing. It's like that old Chris Rock joke about single Dads: "Oh I PAY my child support! Yeah, that's what you're supposed to fucking do."
Anyway, I'm getting off on a tangent, suffice it to say I have no sympathy for this guy--not that he's asked for it.
My next thought was how much I fucking hate skinheads. As a teenager I gravitated to the whole punk/skate scene. Mostly I just had a thing for skateboarders, who weren't always super hardcore. Especially in the 80s. Just boys in torn up jeans wearing Vans with highlights in their hair. Still as harmless as that whole scene was it was connected via music and I guess just general rebelliousness and this idea of Anarchy that few 14--18 year olds even understand, to two groups that scared the shit out of my 15 year old self: hardcore punks and skinheads.
Hardcore punk rockers looked scary and intimidated the shit out of me, but I soon realized they were not a group to be afraid of. Skinheads, on the other hand, were always looking for trouble. Me and my friends would go downtown to see a show or god knows what (What the hell was I thinking at 15?) and we'd have to be on the lookout for skin-chicks. Or at least hook up with someone who was a friend to them so they'd leave us alone. Once I wasn't so lucky, and this dummy with her bangs and shaved head and lame tattoos pushed me from behind as I was walking down the street asking me "why I was talking shit?" My heart started pounding. I told her I didn't know who she was or what the fuck she was talking about. I look a lot tougher than I am. I mean, I'm the opposite of tough! But she wasn't sure so she took off.
Briefly, at 15, I dated this guy I met downtown named Charlie. He was 18 and I thought that was sofa king cool. Plus he was real hot. One night we went over to his place so he could show me his tools he used to tattoo. Turned out, he lived with a couple of skin-chicks! WTF? They just stared me down as I sat on his couch. Talk about a buzzkill!
I'll wrap up my skinheads suck rant now, but in closing I'd like to mention that despite the fact that my parents split up when I was four, and my mom turned to alcohol and in my teenage years we fought relentlessly--even physically sometimes. And despite the fact that I hung out in a scene with attachments to extremely negative elements, and despite the fact that I grew up in the South with grandparents who used the 'N' word and openly discussed their distaste for Mexicans, never for one second did I think that Nazism would be a good idea. Or that somehow, because my life at home sucked, I should align myself with people who sought to lay all the world's problems (including their own) in the laps of another: The Other. "Hey you! Check me out with my fucking combat boots, suspenders, shaved head and swastika tattoo! I'm gonna kick your ass!" "Huh? WTF? What for? WTF did I do?" "Uh, well, I'm angry because my childhood sucked and you look like somebody I could take. I mean, I fucking hate blacks and Jews but I'm not dumb enough to actually threaten one of them, so you'll do." "What? OMG. Dumbass."

Here's the link to the NPR interview that got this whole hardly coherent rant started: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125514655

I'm actually thinking of reading the book. Who knows, I might learn something from the dude.

How Have You Never Seen ET?!

Earlier today while driving to Old Navy to look for some cheap jeans (didn't get any, their jeans suck), I was daydreaming in the car about how sometimes people (friends usually) will start telling you about such and such a movie, or celebrity, or band or whatever and if it's some sort of phenomenon that you haven't caught up to or are just plain not interested in and you say "Never heard of him," "Never seen it," or whatever, they don't believe you. Now I know in my youth peer pressure was an issue and I was hesitant to admit I wasn't familiar with something that every other cool 12 year old was familiar with. And then as I got older I was hesitant to admit that I had heard of something every 12 year old was familiar with.

Regardless-- if I had heard of ______, I would say so.

I never watched 90210, and no one ever believed me. I wasn't saying "What's that? I don't own a TV." I simply had no desire to ever watch that show. Meanwhile, I was devastated when Melrose Place was cancelled. See? I'm not trying to be cool.

The other side of that is there's a lot of cool, edgy, underground shit that I've heard of, but have no familiarity with. So when I say "Yeah, I know who GG Allin is," that's the extent of it. I've seen his picture on the internet. I heard he shits on stage. The End.

Same with Justin Bieber (except for the shitting on stage part, obviously).

I really don't know where I'm going with this except that for a moment in my car as I was thinking "Why lie about this shit?" it suddenly occurred to me that I know who both GG Allin and Justin Bieber are. That blew my mind. And it made me love the world I live in. And I wanted to share that with you all.

Turn and Face the Strain

With less than three weeks to go in the semester and a test next week, I've been wondering all day why I didn't just go for my masters in English. I could be reading fiction right now! Instead I'm knee deep in Fee Simples and Contingent Remainders Subject to Reverter, or something.
Before I started my first year of law school last September, I attended the "mandatory" (I skipped out at the lunch break) orientation session where one of the Deans explained that many of us who were used to being at the top of the class would soon find ourselves at the bottom. I thought two things: one, I've never been "used" to being at the top of any class. And two, but I definitely won't end up on the bottom! Famous. Last. Words.
Womp, womp.
I knew before this semester started that I had to get my shit together. I also knew the first year (or cut) is the hardest (or deepest) and so if I could just persevere it'd all be downhill soon. Those first two weeks I was gun-ho. Then reality set back in. I remembered how boring most of this shit is to read. I mean, fuck, I'm 38 years old. I've been in the workforce a long time. You know how you learn how to do something? You DO it. Nike's right.
Alas, this is the road I chose and fuck if I'm not going to bloody my feet up taking every last step to reach the end of it! Which reminds me, did I mention I got a pedicure today? I went with a bold blue. I'm a faker like that. "Hey, look at me with my short hair and bright blue toes and fingernails! I'm so much edgier and braver than you. I've got confidence you WISH you had. Now, outta my way so I can get back to my computer and watch last night's The Daily Show."

In my quest to motivate myself and turn this sinking ship that is my apathy and laziness around I found an inspiring quote and wrote it on my chalkboard wall: "Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice and need." It's perfect isn't it? So beautiful and succinct. It's Voltaire, whoever that is. Just kidding, I've heard of him. I think about that quote often. I read it often. I look over at it, then back to Reddit, then back to it again, then over to Goodreads.

I'm a mess. Thanks for listening.

Friends Don't Let Friends Politic & Facebook

“If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend” - Abraham Lincoln

It's taken me a long while to get to where I am in my life now. I've had a lot of growing up to do. When I heard stuff about politics and god not being proper subjects of discussion amongst friends and over beers I thought "What?! When could be a BETTER time?" All one had to do to get me going was say something that rhymed with abortion, or religion, or George Bush:

"Lord Tush"

"What?! George Bush?! Fuck that asshole! Motherfucker can't even read! Don't tell me you voted for that retard! Oh, huh? Oh. I thought you said..."

But I've come to the realization recently that we are not the sum of our picket signs. Our Facebook groups. Our bumper stickers. I have zero desire to announce to the strangers in my community via my back windshield that I'm for universal healthcare. You want to know how I feel about these issues? Get to know me. Maybe we like the same books, music, movies. Maybe we both hate baseball. Enjoy cooking, baking, gardening. Llamas, giraffes, turtles. Ikea. I don't fucking know. There are a million things we could potentially have in common that we're likely never to know about each other if all we represent to one another is one side of a political spectrum which is all total bullshit anyway. I go to Facebook to look at pics and see funny videos you uploaded, not to be reminded that you are against socialism, or that you hate tea-party members. If I know you, I already know that about you. And if I don't know you, you just let me know that you are part of a group that I'm not. And that you prefer the people in that group to the people outside of it. Congratulations. You've just reminded me of something we don't have in common. Hooray! Now let's have a meaningless conversation about it on your "wall." We're sure to have a meeting of the minds that way. To see each other's side; respect each other's points. "Hey FB friend I haven't seen in 15 years! Check out this petition I just signed to 'Teach the Controversy'! And here you thought we were cool with each other. Well, whatever. I'm doing my part to change the world through status updates."

Click. Hide. Click.

Tort of Mediocrity

I'm skipping class tonight. I'm somewhat worried because after three (or at three, I can't remember) absences in my Torts class your grade drops by a letter, but there are only eight classes left after tonight so unless some dummy shows up with H1N1 (knock on wood) I'll be OK.
Mainly I'm skipping because I just don't feel like going. That's pretty much why everyone cuts class, I think. Then there is this other, less compelling reason. Somehow, some dummy in my class got this GREAT IDEA (!): Wouldn't it be funny, they suggested, if one night we all came to Professor Johnson's class wearing bow-ties?! "See, because he always wears a bow-tie. Get it? Like, he will show up all 'Do-de-do-de-do' and he'll get to the podium, look up at us, and see all these bow-ties! Hardy-Har-Har. You in??



Fuck no, I'm not in. That's TOTALLY LAME. It's not fun. It's not funny. I don't fucking get it. WHY?!
Needless to say I was outnumbered. There are a few others who won't be in on the joke (badump-ching!), but mainly b/c they are worried the professor will be offended in some way. I don't think that will be an issue. Rather, I think he'll smile awkwardly, maybe even giggle--all while thinking "What the?" And I don't want to witness that. So I'm not going.

Anyhow, I have told myself that I will take advantage of the time not spent in class to get ahead on the assignments (lie), so I better get to work.

In Defense of The Fifth Amendment

Here are a couple of really interesting videos I found over at boing boing about why you should never ever in a million fucking years talk to the cops. Not one word. They're lengthy, but worth it.

"And frankly, they own the place."

I know I said I was done kvetching about Our Government, I lied. Must post this link.

http://www.salon.com/opinion/greenwald/2009/10/10/government/index.html

While there, please do visit the links Greenwald embeds re: AP Article and Bill Moyers program.

Have I mentioned before how much I love Glenn Greenwald?



Such a hot nerd! Swoon.

Edit: I just found out Glenn is gay. WHHYYYYYY???

Still coping.

Sudden Insanity

Today in Torts we reviewed this case where this crazy ass bitch who believed to have a personal relationship with god--like, they were facebook friends kinda relationship; buddies--drove head on at full speed into a van whilst traveling on the wrong side of the road because "God told her she was Batman and could fly." Thankfully nobody died. Unfortunately she misunderstood "Batshit Crazy" for "Batman."

Hello, Pepsi Generation.

OK, I can't believe it's been nearly two months since I've updated this albatross of a blog that I was convinced would be so badass but has turned out, like so... so many others, to be totally lame. Coming back here just reminds me of what a flake I am, so I tend to avoid it. In fact, I bought a computer over a month ago and just realized I never even bothered to bookmark my very own (lame) blog. :(

Fear not, bored and unmotivated reader! I am back. For like the 5th time.

First- here's what I've been up to since my last post:

-Started school
-Bought a new computer

Yep, I think that about sums it up. Just so you know, I still have very ill feelings about Goldman Sachs and the complete corporate control of our government. I'm ENRAGED about stuff and things. Unfortunately, like most Americans, I am only ENRAGED to the point of bitching about stuff. I am not motivated to upstart a revolution or anything. Alas, because of my and only my lack of enthusiasm and commitment--things will forever be the same. Maybe in a hundred years or more an enthused and motivated revolutionary will be born. Until then, we're fucked.

In the meantime, instead of thinking about how fucked up things are and how completely powerless I am to change things, I am going to shift the focus (not that there was one) of my blog to my adventures in Law School. And not just any Law School: Evening Law School. I thought Evening Law School was just the place for people who had to work during the day, but it turns out it's also the place for the people who weren't qualified for the day program. Hooray for second string!! Actually, St. Mary's Law in and of itself is second string because, really, who wouldn't rather be at UT? So I guess that makes St. Mary's Law Evening Program something like the farm leagues. But fuck it. All I need is to finish this shit, get the piece of paper, then take the month long prep course (because apparently three or four years in law school isn't enough) and pass the bar. I mean do we really care where Jim Adler--who is so smart and so tough--went to law school? Or Roni Deutch? I think not.

So by now I am halfway through my first semester, and it's FLOWN by! I have one really kickass professor (why he is teaching night courses at St. Mary's I have no idea. Catholic guilt maybe?), and two mediocre professors. One who is lame and boring, and one who is scatterbrained.

Without consulting my books, and working only from memory (this is some David Blane shit!), I will now relate to you a few of my favorite cases:

#1: Pepsico (or, somebody vs. Pepsico). Back in the 90s Pepsi had some campaign where you could buy Pepsi products and collect Pepsi "points." So they came up with this commercial where some kid is getting ready for school wearing his Pepsi tee-shirt and Pepsi leather jacket and Pepsi sunglasses and meanwhile you are seeing words on the screen letting you know how many Pepsi points are required to purchase the featured gear ("Leather jacket: 300 Pepsi Points," or whatever). Then the scene switches to these three dudes on the steps in front of their high school flipping through a catalogue of Pepsi merchandise redeemable with Pepsi points.
While they get their minds blown over the possibilities of shit they can get with the Pepsi logo plastered all over it, a fierce wind begins to blow. Papers are flying everywhere, hair is being blown back, students are startled, a teacher is stripped down to his boxers as all his clothes are blown off (Hilarious, dude!)... and then you see the kid from the opening of the commercial landing a fighter jet on school grounds saying "Sure beats the bus," with the words "Harrier Jet: 7,000,000 Pepsi Points" on the screen.
Here's where the lawsuit comes. Have you figured it out already? Yes, that's right, some douchebag collected a shitload of Pepsi Points in order to trade them in for the Harrier Jet. Then when he realized he'd have to buy every Pepsi he saw for the next hundred years he did some research and determined that cash could be redeemed in lieu of points (there was some dollar to point ratio, but I forget). So this motherfucker managed to collect $700,000.00 and sent a check, along with some worthless ass Pepsi Points and a letter from his lawyer to Pepsico "accepting the offer to purchase the Harrier Jet."
Guess what Pepsi did? They sent the check right back and said "Thanks, but there's no offer here. We don't really have a Harrier Fucking Jet to send you. That was a joke, dumbass!"--or other such language. Dummy wasn't taking "No" for an answer, and sued claiming breach of contract. He said to have a fair trial it was necessary for the jurors to be like him, "members of the Pepsi Generation." For real, that was part of his claim. He lost. Note to potential plaintiffs: an outlandish claim in a commercial does not an offer make. Pepsi altered the commercial after that with a disclaimer reading "Just kidding" after the jet was shown.

Lucky you! I found the commercial on Youtube: (the unaltered version anyway)


#2: Fuck it. I've gone on long enough. I have homework to do. #2 is for next time.