Don't Get Me Started. Don't Even Get Me Started.

I used to bartend at this place (name not important) in Dallas next door to an Italian restaurant. There was this one waitress over there who would come hang out at the bar at the end of every shift she worked. Sometimes even during shifts. She was all drama. Something shitty and unfortunate was always happening to her. She would sit and chain smoke and tell me all about it. I liked her, she was funny, but I always thought "man...this is what it all comes down to: how people cope." While listening to her and trying to remain sensitive to her problems, secretly I applauded myself for not getting so worked up about every little thing. "You're a coper!" I would tell myself. Well, those days are over. Things have so not gone my way for what seems like so long now that I am beginning to wonder what my breaking point is and when I'll hit it. I have to move out of my place in three days, and at this point I have no idea where I'm going to go. I haven't worked since December, and thought maybe law school would be a good idea. I signed up for the LSAT, have to take it in two weeks, and have given it about ten minutes of serious thought. I'm sure it'll go swimmingly. My diabetic cat suddenly started acting drunk earlier. I ended up having to take him to the vet to find out I've been giving him too much insulin. That cost me more money I had to borrow. And finally there's my boyfriend who, hmmm...let's see...how can I put this? Is a Class A Jerk? Yeah, I think that works.
I know everything will work itself out eventually. I'm lucky I have a kick-ass dad and supportive family. Otherwise I'd be thinking of something witty for a cardboard sign and standing my ass out on the corner of I-35 and Woodward with the "Why Lie? I need beer!" Guy. You would think that someone in my position would have empathy for those guys (and girls. and Vietnam Vets. and American Indians). And, deep down, I do. I know how easy it is to end up like that. But when I see them all I think is "Every little bit helps me too Motherfucker!"
Ugh! All I wanna do is win the lottery. Is that too much to ask?

Creepy Trail

Until May ends, I am living in an apartment complex that backs up to a wildflower preserve with a trail that goes around it. The trail is probably half a mile total, and part of it turns from dirt into a pebbled sidewalk that weaves behind a neighborhood. Now that it's Spring, it's much more scenic. There are lots of trees and wildflowers. Which are really just attractive weeds I guess. I don't have a camera, except for the one on my phone--which sucks--so I couldn't take a picture but found the one above on the internet. Mable Davis Skatepark is just down the way from my apt. You can't see the trail, but it's back there, behind the fence and then on the other side behind all those trees. See that little playground just to the right of the skatepark in the photo? With the yellow slide? It's fairly close to the trail. Anyway, it's nothing exciting but since gas is close to $73 a gallon I can't really justify driving to the trail at Townlake just to go for a walk, so I go there instead. But here's the thing: over the past, oh, I don't know, ten days or so, I've seen three separate creepy guys there. It's not a crowded trail. Sometimes I'm the only one out there. I let my imagination get the best of me, and on these three occasions I've let these creepy guys get to me, have turned my ass around to stay to the side of the trail that's not completely wooded, and come back home. One guy wasn't a guy really, more like 17. Anyway, he just stood in the middle of the trail, with a stick about three feet long, staring. Dexter is one of my favorite shows. I started thinking about it and got the feeling he was thinking hard about whether or not he and his stick could take me down. So I turned around. A few days later there was this guy who was probably homeless and harmless. I could see him up ahead of me, standing off to the side of the trail on the grass, flailing his hands around like he was arguing with an imaginary nemesis. When I got close enough for him to hear me, he stopped suddenly, turned to me and said "Oh! Sorry. I was just practicing!" He had a nick on his forehead and his jeans were dirty. I wasn't sure what he was practicing for and why he'd decided to do it there, so I hurried past him and then rather than make another loop went home.
Then yesterday, everything seemed like it was gonna be fine. I had seen a couple of other joggers out there, and a family of four. But then, on my third (and final) lap, as I'm halfway around I come up on some dude sitting Indian style smack dab in the middle of the trail. At first I figured him for a harmless hippie. But then, I couldn't be sure. It was just that there was no reason for him to be situated where he was. I imagined he wanted to slice my ankle with a switchblade as I passed by, so I turned around before I got to him.
Well, I'm getting ready to head back out there now. My little daily strolls around this creepy, and for the most part crappy, trail are the only activity I get beyond these four walls so I have to go.
Wish me luck.

Update: Just got back. Creep-free stroll.

Champion Procrastinator

If there's one thing in this world I'm good at, it's procrastination. Just thinking about all the things I need to get done makes my head spin. So, for the betterment of my mental state, I choose not to think about them. Or do anything about them. Then "tomorrow" comes, the day of getting things done, and it starts all over again.
I'm so envious of people who are proactive. Proactive people rule the world. They're not smarter, or more talented, or more capable than the rest of us--they're just doers.
Before I graduated last December, I should have had a plan. I'm not in my 20s anymore. It's not as though I wanted to take time off to find myself, or travel. I mean, it would have been nice, but, time's a wasting! as they say. And I'm old enough to know better. Instead, I put things off. "What are you gonna do?" "I dunno...something will come up!" Well, it didn't. Still hasn't.
I've been considering law school for awhile now. Recently a friend asked what my plans were with all that, and if I'd taken the LSAT. "I'll get around to it" I told him. "Well, it's only offered a few times a year." Stunned silence followed. Of course it's only offered a few times a year! Why wouldn't it be? Why hadn't I thought of this already? I did some quick googling and found out the next test date is in June. Which gives me a little over a month to prepare. I went out and bought some prep books. They're still sitting on the table. I also heard Sodoku was good practice so I bought a book of puzzles. I've completed one. I need to go for a walk. I need to finish any of the four books I'm currently reading. I need to call my mom and tell her I'm sorry, I forgot all about Mother's Day. I need to clean the cat box.I need to get a job. I need to eat better. I need to find a new place to live before the end of the month. I don't even have a TV! Why is it so hard to do stuff. Why does doing stuff have to suck so bad? Oh god. This is all too much for me to deal with right now. Must take a break.

Happy Birthday Christy & Mimi

I met Christy (far left;that's me in the middle) in the fourth grade. She played on my soccer team. Back in the 70s, there weren't a lot of little girls (or boys for that matter) playing soccer in Texas. Our team sucked real bad, but we had a lot of fun. Christy was our only good player. She had played soccer in Germany, with boys! She was like a nine year old living legend. She could of left us for a better team--but she stayed 'cos it was fun. That's the kind of a person Christy is: an underachiever. (Just kidding Christy)
We went to Jr.High and High School together. Made new friends, cultivated new interests, dated the same guy--the usual. As time passed our friendship waxed and waned. Still, we remained buds. Finally, in our early 20s we moved to Austin together. Christy, my boyfriend, and me. Looking back, those were some of the best days of my life. I got a crappy job at Whole Foods and was eventually promoted to a less than crappy job at Whole Foods. They sent me and a friend of my choice to Boulder, CO for "business". I took Christy. We had fun. After about a year, I decided to leave Austin and follow my boyfriend around for awhile, that's how smart I am. Christy's and my paths diverged quite a bit after that. She decided to get all independent and do crazy things like cut and dye her hair (if you'd known Christy as a youth, you'd know this was way out of character). It didn't stop there. Tattoos came. "Who is this girl?" I wondered. I would see her occasionally, if she came to Dallas or if I went to Austin. Finally, after never really wanting to leave in the first place and never liking anyplace else I'd lived any better, I made my way back to Austin.
Now, were kicking in ATX together again. Just like the old days. Even her hair color is back to its natural state. Ok, well, other than hair color it's nothing like the old days--we're too old for that shit. Christy is now a Pastry Chef and I am now an out of work recent college grad. It's really f-ing crazy how life turns out. I'm glad I still have a friend like Christy who knew me when.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTY!

Today is also my Grandmother's Birthday. She's no longer with us, but you all should know she was a kick ass grandma! She spoiled me rotten, taught me how to play "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" on her organ, and made me BLTs every morning after I'd spent the night. She even let me eat in front of the TV. I have been told that when I was very small, clothes "hurt me". I also didn't like having my hair brushed. It hurt too. So when I stayed at Mimi's I got to wear my grandfather's really old, frequently laundered, over-sized tee-shirts. And she never made me brush me hair.
Mimi's given name was Aline. Once I answered her phone and when the person on the other end asked to "speak to Aline" I told them they had the wrong number. I still don't know much about this Aline person, but can tell you that Mimi ruled!

A New Day

Hello Friends. I used to blog here a lot. Then I got bored with the content, so I stopped. But today is a new day. OK, well, tomorrow will be a new day because I'm in the middle of a sugar high right now and can't think. But rest assured, entertaining content soon to come.
Thanks for your continued support.
Sincerely,



Shelly